I still remember the first time we got internet at our house.  I turned on my sweet Windows 95 computer and opened up America Online (back before it got too cool for school and became “AOL” … bastards).  Some yellow dude pretended to run on the screen, my PC made a weird eeeee-ooooo-krrrrrrr-weeeeeee-boop sound, shut up for a second, and then some guy told me: “Welcome.  You’ve got mail.”

I was living in a 56k world of glory.

It was so revolutionary.  Sure, my cousins lived across the street — I could just walk over, knock on their door and say hi.  But no.  Being able to sit in my chair, send a message and realize that, HOLY CRAP, I was actually talking to them through my computer! … that was crazy.  In fact, I still remember the first IM I sent:

“Hey, go to your window and look out!”

My cousin did.  It confirmed it.  They got my message.  Un-freaking-believable.

Well…now I’m living in a new technological world.  The world of unlimited texting.  Do you know how awesome unlimited texting is?  If you don’t, it’s probably because you don’t have it, and thus, fail at life.

Honestly, there is nothing better than sending a text to a friend saying, “You’re gay.” and not having to worry about the 5 cents that cost you.  Nope.

Thus, I present you with a timeline of the most important things ever invented in the history of mankind.

1. 105 AD – Paper (the ancestor to our beloved TP)
2. 800s AD – Gunpowder (imagine a world where nothing blew up … depressing, isn’t it?)
3. 1830s – Racing Lawnmower (dude, how cool is that?)
4. 1913 – The Crossword (Sudoku’s great-grandfather)
5. 1923 – TV (without which, there would be no Sportscenter)
6. 200x or Whenever my plan says it started – Unlimited Texting

Yes.