Green Day Sucks.

If I could make millions of dollars by wearing eyeliner (or I guess the term is “guy-liner” when a dude uses it), dressing in all black and playing power chords over and over, I’d be Green Day.

I mean, seriously.  I used to like these guys.  Kerplunk! was pretty good.  Dookie was the best … I remember rocking out to that CD, and I was only like 10 years old.  Insomniac and Nimrod — decent, and the only reason I like Warning was that it reminds me of high school.

So what the hell happened?

I mean, seriously.  These guys used to look just fine:

Back in the 90s, you’d see a punk band, and you’d see this.  It was expected.  But at some point, people decided that it would be a good idea to start dressing up like ridiculously-douchey douchebags.  No no, I’m talking MASSIVE quantities of douche.  When in the hell did Green Day decide that it was fine for 58 year old punk rockers (wait, how old are they again?) to throw on some clothes that tell the world, “Hey, guess what!  I slit my wrists!”

I mean…are you kidding me?  Are you serious, Billy Joe?  I mean, first off, for a guy to have such a badass name as Billy Joe, I expect you to be wearing some Levi’s, a torn-up t-shirt, possibly sporting yourself some suspenders … all while replacing your 65 Mustang’s engine using only a fork and dental floss.  It is a travesty to the Official Man-Name Laws and Regulations for you to walk around with such a name.  I’m officially demoting you.  I’m calling you Topanga from now on.  Yes, Topanga (like from Boy Meets World):

Green Day sucks.  I’m so pissed off at just how much you guys suck that I can’t even finish this post.

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Imagine That.

Sometimes, the imagination runs wild when at work.

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Pin Air Force One on the Picture

In case you haven’t already heard, the White House had the bright idea of flying an Air Force One lookalike over parts of NY and NJ in order to update the picture on file for the plane.  Unfortunately, they forgot to alert all the people living in these places that they were gonna do this.

I’m sure you can imagine what everybody was reminded of when looking up in the sky and seeing a huge plane, flying low and very, very close to some buildings.  Here’s the final product:

Come on, White House!  This little stunt ended up costing the taxpayers over $300,000.  $300k?!  Seriously?!  You guys wanna spend $300k in order to take some snapshots of the pretty plane?  And the horrible part? : THAT’S NOT EVEN NEW YORK IN THE BACK, IT’S NEW JERSEY!

I swear, we have fools running this country.  Here, I’ll offer my services for free:

Here’s Air Force One flying over Los Angeles.  Pretty!

Here’s Air Force One flying over the Golden Gate in SF.  Amazing!

Here’s Air Force One getting ready to land in the Mushroom Kingdom.  Didn’t even know that was possible!

And finally, here’s Obama saving the world and flying Air Force One into the alien spaceship from Independence Day.  Change you can believe in!

So there you are.  Take your pick, White House.  I gave you 4 pictures (that I made in about 10 minutes), and it cost you $0.  Feel free to pay me $300k if you feel like it, though.

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Half-Mexican, Half…

Haha, so my coworkers and I were having a fun discussion about what you would call someone who was half Mexican, half Chinese (turns out … Mexinese was all we could come up with).  Well, we ended up coming across this great site, which has names for just about every combination you can think of.

Haha, check it out … I’ve bolded those that made me literally LOL:

¡Ask a Mexican!
Putting a name to a crazy, mixed-up heritage.

If you’re half-Mexican and…

Half-African: Afrijoles

Half-black: Black Beans, Blaxican, Choco-Taco, Negrexican

Half-Arab: Garbanzo Beaner (America’s worst nightmare)

Half-Canadian: Canexican

Half-Chinese: Chexican, Chinacan, Chinkano, Combination Plate, Mexinese, Rice-n-Beans

Half-Cornish: Cornish Tortilla

Half–Costa Rican: Mextica (tico is a nickname for Costa Ricans)

Half-Croatian: Cro-Mex

Half-Czech: Czecano, Czex-Mex, Czexican, Mexislovakian

Half-Filipino: Chilipino, Mexipino

Half-Flemish: Fletino

Half-French: Frenchican

Half-Gabacho: Amerilanga (combination of American and chilanga, nickname for someone from Mexico City), Caucano, Gabaxicano, Güerexican, Mixican, Whispanic, White Bean

Half-German: Beanerschnitzel, Germexican, Wiener Beaner

Half-Greek: Greexican, Mexi-eek (I never said all of the nicknames were clever)

Half-Guatemalan: Chapano (chapín is a nickname for Guatemalans)

Half-Hawaiian: Pineapple Salsa

Half-Honky: Chichonky

Half-Indian (the India kind): Curry Tamale

Half-Indian (the Indian kind): Navajole

Half-Irish: Leprecano, Green Bean, McBeaner

Half-Italian: Mexican Pizza, Spic-talian

Half-Japanese: Japanic, Mexanese

Half-Jewish: Jalapeño Bagel, Jumex (also the name of a delicious Mexican fruit-nectar drink), Kahlúa-jewa, Kosher Burrito, Mexi-Jew

Half-Korean: Korexican

Half-Pakistani: Mexistani

Half-Panamanian: Panamex

Half-Polish: Polexican, Polexiqui (this particular gal was Yaqui Indian on her Mexican side; she also called herself a Mexipolaqui)

Half-Portuguese: Pork-n-Beans

Half-Redneck: Rednexican, Redback, Wetneck

Half-Russian: Brown Russian

Half-Salvadoran: Salvexican

Half-Samoan: Samexican

Half-Scotch: McRiguez

Half-Turk: Turxican

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Dude, OJ was funny.

Dude, OJ made me crack up in this movie. He should’ve stuck to acting instead of…you know…killing and kidnapping folks. Hahaha, freakin’ Det. Nordberg — what else will you do?!

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So Addicting!

Who would have thought that ONE drawing, a result of boredom during a meeting, could have led to many, many more drawings?  I’m having a great time trying to figure out how to make simple stick figures resemble several of my friends.  Pretty fun stuff.  Here’s what I’ve got so far:

LOL.  It even makes ME laugh.

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The Guys. As Art.

Step 1: Have a meeting at work.
Step 2: Start talking about something not important to you.
Step 3: Begin to doodle.
Step 4: Begin to doodle yourself and friends.
Step 5: Laugh at the funny picture.
Step 6: Post on Facebook and on Cain’s Brain.

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New Drinking Game: Asshole

I’m a man who enjoys a good beer.  I’m also a man who enjoys a good drinking game.  I’ve heard of this game before, but never tried it:

Drinking Game: Asshole

Players:
4 – 10

Objective:
Get rid of all your cards first.

Aces are high, threes are low. Two’s are wild.

The dealer deals out all the cards. (Multiple decks may be necessary.) The person left of the dealer goes first, and lays down any card or set of cards of the same value. (Eg. three 4’s or a single 3 perhaps.) The person to their left must lay down cards of greater value, and the same number of cards. (Eg. If three 8’s were laid down, three 9’s or greater must be laid down. Four 9’s would not be allowed, it has to be 3.) If they cannot lay down any cards, they pass to the next person. (You may also choose to pass.) Anyone who passes must drink.

2’s are wild, and will beat any card played, including an Ace. Once a two is played the cards are cleared and the person playing the 2 has control. One 2 also beats a pair of anything, two 2’s will beat three of anything, three 2’s beats 4 of anything, etc…

The circle continues until no one can play any more cards. The last person to lay down cards has “control” and starts the next round by laying down new cards. Play continues until everyone is out of cards.

After the first round has been played, the first person out is the President. The second person out is the Vice-President, and the last two people out are the Vice-Asshole and Asshole for the second-last and last person respectively.

Once ranks are established and after all the cards have been redealt, the Asshole must give the President his 2 best cards, and the President gives the Asshole his 2 worst cards. The Vice-President and Vice-Asshole also switch worst and best cards, but only 1 each. Play begins again with the person left of the dealer.

At the end of each round, the Asshole must clear the cards and gather them into a pile. If anyone else touches the pile of cards during play, they automatically switch ranks with the Asshole. If the same person remains Asshole for 3 whole rounds, they become subject to the whims of other players and must drink when told. However, the President can make the Asshole drink at any time once the Asshole has been designated. As a matter of fact, the Asshole has to do pretty much anything the President tells them to. i.e. Wear a fish net on their head, get the President another beer, make out with their sister, etc.

So…if you read this blog — anyone wanna play?

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In A Pickle

One thing I’ve always wanted to get involved with is photography.

I genuinely enjoy taking pictures, but I hate the small digital cameras.  Don’t ask me why, because I don’t know.  Maybe it’s because I tend to drop them often, or the fact that their quality is not as great as an SLR, or because I’ve been scarred from my first experience of owning one (it was a 2.x megapixel piece of low-quality, mega-shitty, ultra-trash-like, inanimate piece of plastic filth).  But I just don’t like ‘em.  I’d rather get an SLR (one of those nifty Nikon ones, ooooo), but those things are expensive as all hell.  So yeah, I’m in quite a pickle.

Interestingly enough, I Googled “in a pickle” and saw this picture:

Ok, anyways, I think a goal for myself this year will be to purchase an SLR.  I’d like to start some personal portfolio of the various things I see on an everyday basis, because 10 years from now, I’m almost positive the small things and everyday people will leave big impressions.  So I want to remember them.

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White Ain’t Right

Benediction at Obama’s inauguration, Rev. Joseph Lowery: ‘Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get in the back, when brown can stick around… when the red man can get ahead man; and when white will embrace what is right. That all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen. Say Amen’…

One thing that never ceases to amuse me is the fact that you can be outright racist to whites, and they simply won’t give a damn.  I mean, DAMN!  Maybe it’s white guilt or something.  Can you imagine if, for example, McCain had won and a white pastor told America to pray for the day when “whites keep playing it right, browns keep gettin’ down, reds keep gettin’ ahead, and blacks cut back on the attacks” (or something along those lines).  Haha, damn, that would be insane — even I would say, “Damn, that shit is RACIST.”  As my friend said (who shall remain anonymous), “When an issue has absolutely nothing to do with race, leave it to a minority to make it all about race.”

It will definitely be an interesting four years.  I’m positive that I will be called a racist for not agreeing with Obama’s positions on various issues.  That’s the way people are running with their arguments right now — agree with him or you’re racist.  I could care less if someone thinks I’m racist, to be honest.  I know I’m not — I just hold people accountable based on what I see, what I read, what I hear, what I learn, etc. (regardless of whether you’re white, black, brown, red, purple, or shiny pink).

For instance, I had an interesting conversation the other day, where I wondered out loud why UC Berkeley didn’t have a jumbotron on Sproul to celebrate the 2004 Bush inauguration (whether it be the first one or second one).  I figured both events (Bush / Obama inaugurations) were both important-enough historical events to merit a viewing.  In fact, I feel ANY presidential inauguration is a historic event, regardless of which candidate emerges the victor.  In the many years of American history, only 43 men have held the title of “President of the United States.”  Thus, it is pretty impressive when we get to witness such an event.

I was then told it was stupid to even consider having such an event for Bush, because it was not at all a historical event.  However, it was definitely right for Obama considering he was the first black man to become President.  Well, I said, I think they should’ve had it for both.  Sure, it’s definitely an historical event to witness the first black man taking his oath of office, but I thought both were still historic.  If the fact that Obama is half-black makes this one that much more historic, then so be it.  But my argument stood — both were still historic.

Unsurprisingly, I was shouted down, told I was wrong, and ALMOST (I could sense it happening) about to be called a racist.  Like I said — in the near future, it will simply be “agree or be viewed as racist.”  The way I see it — I hope Obama does well, to be honest.  If he does well, the country does well.  States do well.  Cities do well.  The people do well.  We do well.  I do well.  However, I hope very many of his policies die a fast death.  There’s a difference between not liking a man and not liking his policies.

I’ll keep living life.  In my eyes, nothing much has changed.  I’ll still keep my eye on the news.  I’ll still have fun.  Life goes on.

By the way, this made my day.  Today’s “What’s Your Poo Telling You?” excerpt:

WHITE POO:  Sometimes occurring after consumption of barium (the chalky stuff you drink before getting an X-ray or CT scan), white, or albino-looking, poo can also be caused by a blockage in the bile ducts or by various types of liver disease.  This poo is rare and typically develops slowly over weeks (sometimes with a simultaneous darkening of the urine).  When it comes to poo, white is not right, and a visit to your doctor is a must.

Hahahah, perfect timing for that one!

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Welcome to Cain's Brain. I think things. I write things. I draw things, too. Oh, and if a picture looks too small, it probably is. Click it. Trust me.