If I could make millions of dollars by wearing eyeliner (or I guess the term is “guy-liner” when a dude uses it), dressing in all black and playing power chords over and over, I’d be Green Day.

I mean, seriously.  I used to like these guys.  Kerplunk! was pretty good.  Dookie was the best … I remember rocking out to that CD, and I was only like 10 years old.  Insomniac and Nimrod — decent, and the only reason I like Warning was that it reminds me of high school.

So what the hell happened?

I mean, seriously.  These guys used to look just fine:

Back in the 90s, you’d see a punk band, and you’d see this.  It was expected.  But at some point, people decided that it would be a good idea to start dressing up like ridiculously-douchey douchebags.  No no, I’m talking MASSIVE quantities of douche.  When in the hell did Green Day decide that it was fine for 58 year old punk rockers (wait, how old are they again?) to throw on some clothes that tell the world, “Hey, guess what!  I slit my wrists!”

I mean…are you kidding me?  Are you serious, Billy Joe?  I mean, first off, for a guy to have such a badass name as Billy Joe, I expect you to be wearing some Levi’s, a torn-up t-shirt, possibly sporting yourself some suspenders … all while replacing your 65 Mustang’s engine using only a fork and dental floss.  It is a travesty to the Official Man-Name Laws and Regulations for you to walk around with such a name.  I’m officially demoting you.  I’m calling you Topanga from now on.  Yes, Topanga (like from Boy Meets World):

Green Day sucks.  I’m so pissed off at just how much you guys suck that I can’t even finish this post.

Sometimes, the imagination runs wild when at work.

In case you haven’t already heard, the White House had the bright idea of flying an Air Force One lookalike over parts of NY and NJ in order to update the picture on file for the plane.  Unfortunately, they forgot to alert all the people living in these places that they were gonna do this.

I’m sure you can imagine what everybody was reminded of when looking up in the sky and seeing a huge plane, flying low and very, very close to some buildings.  Here’s the final product:

Come on, White House!  This little stunt ended up costing the taxpayers over $300,000.  $300k?!  Seriously?!  You guys wanna spend $300k in order to take some snapshots of the pretty plane?  And the horrible part? : THAT’S NOT EVEN NEW YORK IN THE BACK, IT’S NEW JERSEY!

I swear, we have fools running this country.  Here, I’ll offer my services for free:

Here’s Air Force One flying over Los Angeles.  Pretty!

Here’s Air Force One flying over the Golden Gate in SF.  Amazing!

Here’s Air Force One getting ready to land in the Mushroom Kingdom.  Didn’t even know that was possible!

And finally, here’s Obama saving the world and flying Air Force One into the alien spaceship from Independence Day.  Change you can believe in!

So there you are.  Take your pick, White House.  I gave you 4 pictures (that I made in about 10 minutes), and it cost you $0.  Feel free to pay me $300k if you feel like it, though.