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Dear Al Davis:

Let’s be frank.  We both know that nobody with any connection to the NFL is interested in becoming the coach of your team.  Why?  It’s simple — these guys are selfish nobodies who only care about the most trivial things, like winning games, drafting decent players, maintaining a good sports ethic, and other concerns that in no way lead to the development of an NFL-caliber team.  Forget about them.  Chumps.

In contrast, I know what it takes to bring back the Raider spark.  I understand and share your values, or lack thereof.  Thus, I have prepared a list of some reasons why I feel I am qualified to become the next coach of the Oakland Raiders:

Reasons Why I’m Qualified to Coach the Oakland Raiders

1.  I have a mean left hook.  This qualifies me to coach the Raiders.

2.  Other than backyard pickup games, I’ve never been on a football team, nor have I ever dedicated myself to learning the sport.  In other words, I can relate to Jamarcus Russell (see below).  This qualifies me to coach the Raiders.

3.  I lost both hands in a work-related accident, and therefore have no fingers upon which to put Super Bowl rings.  This qualifies me to coach the Raiders.

4.  I tend to hate MVP quarterbacks who led our team to victory in the past.  This qualifies me to coach the Raiders.

5.  I would never pass up the opportunity to draft a drunk and disorderly kicker in the 1st round of the NFL Draft (see below).  NEVER.  This qualifies me to coach the Raiders.

6.  With respect to #5, if a talented young kick holder were available, we may have to take him into consideration.  This qualifies me to coach the Raiders.

7.  My crazy old grandfather is a blast.  You and I would get along just fine.  This qualifies me to coach the Raiders.

8.  While most coaches work hard to earn a Super Bowl trophy, I work hard to have my post-game press conferences end up on Coors Light commercials.  This qualifies me to coach the Raiders.

9.  I respect Senior Executive John Herrera.  This qualifies me to coach the Raiders.

10.  I like the Chargers, and love to see them win.  This qualifies me to coach the Raiders.

11.  I can get my team to play 2 to 3 quarters of tough, competitive football.  This qualifies me to coach the Raiders.

12.  I am an admirer of Mother Nature, and seeing the bright, yellow flags falling upon the luscious green field reminds me of just how beautiful our world can be.  This qualifies me to coach the Raiders.

13.  In the spirit of the Black Hole, I inspire to have our games “Blacked Out “on local networks.  This qualifies me to coach the Raiders.

14.  In 10 years, I feel Brett Favre will be a great asset to this team.  As a running-back.  This qualifies me to coach the Raiders.

15.  I inspire to never have our games on Monday Night Football, seeing as how Jon Gruden is an announcer, and I feel that guy is a good-for-nothing douche.  This qualifies me to coach the Raiders.

16.  Generally, I only plan on staying at a position for one year before moving on, two years at most.  This qualifies me to coach the Raiders.

Thank you for your consideration.

Respectfully,

Future Raiders Coach

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For those of you reading this, feel free to send in more reasons why you think you’re capable of coaching the Raiders.  And if you’re on Twitter, get the trend ” #aldavisshouldhireme ” going.

Apple just unveiled their iPad.  Apparently, the guys who named the thing were just as unoriginal as the designers who thought an iPod would look cool if it were 4x larger.

Had I known that it would take longer to download an e-book from Barnes & Noble than it would to actually read the real thing, I’d probably just give up reading.

As I write this, I’m currently on hold with the B&N customer support (it’s been 15 minutes), listening to their cheesy music that sounds like it was written for Sonic the Hedgehog.  Of course, since Sonic was known for his super-speed, this music is definitely not well-received.

Ok, don’t get me wrong.  The Nook is freakin’ sweet.  It looks fantastic and feels great.  When my girlfriend told me she bought one for me as a Christmas gift, I was overjoyed!  The problem, however, seems to be that there’s nothing in place to support this thing.  It’s as if someone at B&N said, “Hey you, Pretty Lady, design an e-reader for me that looks great!”  And she did.  And they sold it.  And 1,837,028,028 people bought one.  After which, they realized, “Aw crap, we forgot to support this thing!”

Here’s a timeline of today’s Nook-related events:

9:20 am:  Log in to UPS tracking, see”Out for Delivery” as status.  Excitement Level:  6.

12:00 pm:  Eat lunch.  Think of Nook.  Think of eating lunch, while reading Nook.  Excitement Level:  8.

2:04 pm:  UPS man shows up, hands over package from B&N.  Excitement Level:  9.

2:06 pm:  Unpack Nook from packaging and finally hold it in my hands.  Excitement Level:  10.

2:15 pm:  Attempt to connect to Wi-Fi network to register.  Registration fails.  Excitement Level:  8.5.

5:25 pm:  Get home from work.  Connect to home network to register.  Registration successful.  Excitement Level:  9.

5:30 pm:  Attempt to purchase e-book.  Purchase fails.  Excitement Level:  7.

5:32 pm:  Attempt #2 to purchase e-book.  Purchase succeeds.  Excitement Level:  9.

5:35 pm:  Attempt to download e-book.  Receive message:  Queued: Will complete shortly.  “Shortly” turns into 45 minutes of nothing.  Excitement Level:  4.

6:35 pm:  Call Barnes & Noble customer support and am forwarded to Technical Department.  Placed on hold.  Excitement Level:  2.

6:36 pm:  Girlfriend, with the saddest and most disappointed look on her face, tells me that she can always return the Nook.  Excitement Level:  -20.

6:40 pm:  Download status changes to 10%.  Still on hold.  Excitement Level:  Hesitant 3.

6:50:  Download status still at 10%.  Still on hold.  Excitement Level:  -5.

7:00:  Remaining 90% of download completes in less than 1 minute.  Confusion.  Still on hold with customer support.  Excitement Level:  4.

7:16:  Current status.  Typing out this post.  Still on hold.  Sonic the Hedgehog reference made, which admittedly makes me a little excited.  Excitement Level:  5 + 2 (Sonic Bonus).

So yes.  I don’t know what the issue is, but it seems Barnes & Noble doesn’t think it’s a big deal that their system sucks.  All I know is that it took me about an hour to download my first e-book, and that as of 7:24 pm, I’m still on hold.  And I gotta take a leak.

Screw this, I’m hanging up.

I recently purchased a Nikon D3000 after realizing I’ve waited much too long to move on in the photography world.  I’ve been a point-n-click kind of guy my whole life, but I think I’ve reached a point where I don’t simply want to take pictures to capture memories.  I want to take pictures that tell stories and have a life of their own.

The DSLR certainly takes higher-quality pictures, but it also requires a lot of time and patience.  After Week 1, I’d say I’ve learned quite a bit … but in the grand scheme of things, it’s very likely I’m only about 1% adept at this stuff.

Here are a couple of my favorites:

Lemme know what you think — tips and advice is always appreciated!